My love story or rather stories are both similar to and different from bollywood films.Similarity lies in the fact that I always took desperate measures to win situations in my favour, and difference lies in the fact that unlike films, where heroes always used to get their heroines in the end, I unfortunately was never able to get one.
So, here am I, after a lot of thoughtful tussle, writing down my own love story, a story that might never be even worth reading.
2008:
I still remember the day. It was 6th August, 2008. My first day of Engineering. I had got selected for pursuing Bachelor of Technology degree in Information Technology,from a mediocre college in West Bengal, which turned out to be the worst college of all, when I left it.
It is there that I saw her for the first time, a flawless beauty. At least that's what I had felt at that time. She had me completely fall for her, at the first glance itself. I never knew, this infatuation of mine,
would ruin my life completely.
Although, I had fallen for her, from the first day at college itself, I was hesitant to gather up the courage to even speak to her. Besides, she was as per as what I could see, the queen of hearts of many. A large number of seniors were even head over heels for her, and that further brought down my confidence to approach her.
Ultimately, one day I mustered up the courage to speak to her. She promptly replied me back, and we became friends. Although we became friends, the feelings deep inside me was completely one sided and never mutual. I was indeed stupid to think that the feelings was mutual. One day during an exam, she hugged me accidentally. That moment, I thought was the best moment of my life. I thought that she also loved me, but alas!, I was wrong.
All my misconception was proved wrong the day, I proposed her on Facebook. She instantly said "No".
All my virtual dreams were shattered by the strong forces of reality. It took me about a couple of months to overcome my feelings for her. Seeing someone, whom you like, ignoring you, in front of your eyes, wasn't easy. But, I decided to cope up with the situation silently. Ultimately, I overcame my feelings.
I still used to see her everyday, as we were from the same class, but her appearance was no more so much mesmerizing and she no more mattered anything to me. We were still friends, talking with each other, but, I kept my distances.
All these happened in my first year of graduation. I had then decided to never fall in love again, till the second year of my graduation arrived, and history repeated itself.
2009:
It was my second year of graduation. After the final year exam, my dad planned for a family trip to Thailand. I was really happy and excited about the trip. Travelling to foreign at a such small age isn't something everyone gets to cherish.
Little had I known, that history is again going to repeat itself, this time in Foreign.
I had known this from the beginning, that one of my dad's office colleague is also coming for the trip. I also knew that he had two daughters. But I didn't know that his younger daughter looked like a wingless angel, and had a physique, that every man might desire or to be vulgarly correct, lust for.
I still remember the date and venue correctly. It was the Chennai International Airport and the date was 16th June, 2009. We were the first to reach the airport. We were waiting for our tour guide to contact us, when suddenly I saw her for the first time. She came alongside her family. Her father forwarded his hand for shaking, followed by her. That touch was electrifying. It tickled my entire body, even deep down inside.
Slowly, we started talking. She seemed from her talks, a very outrageous and open minded girl. And history repeated itself again. I instantly fell for her. Both my heart as well as a part somewhere lower down were equally under her magical spell. She had me under her spell, completely.
Everyday, almost everyday during the 17 days trip, I used to newly fall for her. Her smile, her lips, her body, her odour, everything had a magical effect on me and the effect seemed to become more and more strong, day by day.
However, I was stupid enough not to even ask for her phone number or email ID, during the entire trip. On the day of departure, all I could say to her was "Bye". She wished me back, and that was the last time I saw her pretty smile.
On reaching home, I became too sad and depressed. Inside me was present a hollow soul, that couldn't breathe. I forgot to smile, I forgot to enjoy life. I continuously started searching for her on Facebook, Orkut and many other social media sites. I even approached my friends who stayed at that place, just to get a glimpse of her. I started misbehaving with my parents.
My search for her became limitless. I was ready to subdue all boundaries to reach out to her. It was she and always she, prevalent in my mind.
One month passed away. Every moment was too painful for me. I couldn't get over her, in spite of so many advices. Life seemed to be too much full of problems. Although, later I realized that those problems were actually not even worth thinking of.
Ultimately, after 40 days, she replied over her Orkut account, to a scrap, I had posted long back. That day, was the best day of my life. Imaginary fire works filled the entire Kolkata skies.
Then, slowly from Orkut, we moved to personal messaging. I liked talking to her. All her hobbies, likings, dislikes seemed to have an effect on me. She engaged me in a state of complete hangover.
However, I would like to clarify that the feelings I had for her, was entirely one sided. She didn't even thought about me so much, which I realized too late. I always wanted to talk with her that way, but she never encouraged me. lowly, our talks over the phone slowed down, and she never met me, even when I requested her so many times.
Then came the day, my birthday,16th September, 2010. I was waiting for her wish, the whole day. At about 11 AM in the morning, she wished me. I was angry on her for not replying to my previous messages and I shouted on her. She instantly cut the message chain, wishing good bye.I thought we would talk again and that she would reply me, but she unfortunately never did. I couldn't even see her for once.
I slowly became more and more impatient. I moved into depression. Firstly, the placements in my college was worst and secondly, my love life, was completely ruined. I couldn't forget her. I messaged her many times, waiting for a reply. But, I never got it.
One year passed by in this way. I was still in her hangover, and I had forgotten how to live life. I had moved into depression, and restrained myself from social occasions.
Then, followed a year of unemployment. I passed out from my college, but without any job. All my tries for a job, were wasted in vain. Not even a single company gave me a call. I was worried about my future. But, she was still prevalent in my mind. Although the feelings had much faded in the course of time, but still, a part of it was present there. Finally, after wasting a year looking for jobs, I decided to pursue MBA. I gave MAT exam and scored very good marks. I got selected for pursuing MBA in Marketing, from ITM Business School, Kharghar, a small place in Navi Mumbai.
That time was a sad time in my life. Leaving your parents and home town, for pursuing further education, was something, I wasn't ready for. I had never gone out form my home, leaving my parents. But now, I had to leave them behind.
The day of my departure from Kolkata, was indeed painful. My mom was crying, and so was I. Touching her feet, I bid her good bye. I still remember her crying face. That day, I had realized the true pain behind her eyes, and all the sacrifices, she had given to bring me up. It makes me cry even today, when I remember the events of that day.
With a heavily depressed heart and with a promise to come back again, I bid good bye to my home town. I was looking forward to enjoy my new life in the form of a memorable experience. but as they say, history can repeat itself at any place, any time. I never knew, that the worst, was still to come.
2013:
I arrived Mumbai at sometime during June, 2013. The Mumbai rains were more than happy to welcome me. Being completely wet and drenched in rains, I arrived at Mumbai, with three luggages and my Dad, besides me.
After he left for Kolkata, life was really not enjoyable. Hostel life, bad quality of food, new life, new friends, staying away from home was too painful. I spent many sleepless nights, crying for my parents, wanting to go back.
But, as they say, in the end everything becomes right. I slowly learnt to adjust to this new environment, to celebrate without family and to live or survive without them.In this way, two month passed away, until the day arrived, when I saw her, for the first time. This time, there was no love at first sight for me. She looked far blow average, with curly hair and a very unorganized attire. She looked pretty much shabby to me at the first time. however, three things to be noted carefully were her innocent eyes, which I felt to kiss, at the first time only, and her sweet and innocent voice and her chubby cheeks, which I wanted to pull, at the first time itself. I don't know whether I fell for her or not, but it didn't matter to me that much, at that point of time.
Slowly, through one of our common friends, we became friends. From just friends at initial stages, we became close friends slowly. I used to share every inner thing of mine, with her. I felt like she understood me, the best after my mom.
Then, one day while chatting on Whatsapp, I asked her about her past relations. to which she replied that she had a relation with a guy, her tuition mate during her school days, which lasted for 5 years. She remembered the exact time and date of the break up, which was on her Birthday, about two years ago. She said that she loved him very much and in spite of their break up, two years go, she still cries for her.
Although, deeply hurt from inside, I still wished that someday they would be together again. Meanwhile, our mutual friend, who was one of her's best friend in college, also had fallen for her. She on the other hand, looked up on him just as a friend and not else wise. In the midst of all these relationship misunderstandings, I decided to move away from her and let my feelings fade away, slowly with time.
Although, we remained friends, I started maintaining my distances. I even ignored her at many occasions, when she used to call out my name.
Then, one year passed away slowly, and we became seniors. On the love prospect, there was no progress from any side, and we just remained friends.I used to flirt with her over the phone or on Whatsapp sometimes, unable to stop myself, People used to make fun of me, by taking her name. However, the relation was limited to just friends.
I still remember the day. It was 25th December, 2014. It was her birthday. I met her on her birthday. After 15 minutes of nonsense talks, which I loved doing with her, I gave her a tight hug. I tried to stop my self, but was unable to. She said nothing and smiled. That smile had made my night.
After that, from friends, we became close friends. I used to fight with her, but then kneel down for forgiveness. She was happy and so, I was also happy. Slowly, campussing started in our college, and I was amongst the first ones to get placed.
I threw a grand placement party, to which, of course she was invited. That day, she left from the party without informing me. I became angry upon her. She called me at night to say sorry. We were fighting over the phone, when she suddenly said that she feels good staying around me and that she kind of likes me.She said that she is always comfortable, when I am around her. And hence, began our relationship.
Everyday, we used to talk throughout the day as well as at nights. In spite of having exams, we used to talk everyday, till 5 AM in the morning. I was too happy. That moment might have been the best moment of my life. At least, that's what I felt, at that time.
Then our exams ended, and we became pass outs. I was really sad that our college had ended and that we will no longer be students. On love front however, I was so happy. She had said that she would talk to her parents regarding me. On being asked, that what if her parents deny me, I used to say "Honge jo Dilwale, Dulhania to Wahi le Jaenge". She used to laugh at it, followed by me. She never said me that she loved me, but we both were quite in.
Then, one day, her ex - boyfriend suddenly, called her up again. She tried to ignore him, but due to old feelings coming back, she couldn't. When, I came to know about it, I told her to make a choice, to which she broke up with me, saying that she has still not got over him. She said that she felt good talking to me, but she still loves him. She needed a mental support after not being able to get out from her break up, and that's why she felt good talking to me. She said that when required to select out of me and her ex, she would select her ex.
This word, sealed my voice. She cut the call and thus, I was shattered into pieces from inside. I felt I deserved to know that why then she entertained me in the first place, but all I got to listen to was "I am sorry".
Although, we kept contact with each other, neither me not her, was happy. Slowly, my inner child ego came to fore front and I started threatening her for dire consequences. Every time, I told her to meet me, she denied and that forced me to threaten her more. I was spell bound under my ego, to grab her, being forcefully, if required. Every of friend advised me to get rid of her. They said that she had used me. But, I was unable to cope up with the situation, and accept the reality.
Slowly, as time passed away, the little friendship we shared, changed in to bitterness and she started disliking and hating me. She even refused to talk to me, saying that she would block me, if this continued. I, on the other hand, was stupid enough, to never even think of my parents and my self respect.
But, better late than never, I slowly realized how I had been foolish. I realized all my sinful mistakes. I apologized before her and finally, I bid her goodbye from my heart. It was a tough time for me, My corporate life had just started and I was not being able to cope up.
Many ups and downs then came in life, which I wouldn't like to mention. However, in the end, I got over her. I lost my good friend, in this cycle, who supported her and prioritized her over me. He broke his friendship with me, may be to keep her happy, as he also liked her. I accepted all of these, as a part of life and decided to move on.
Thus my love stories, mostly one sided, and always bout wrong choices, ends here. I would thank all my friends, who have guided me and helped to become a better person, that I am today.
To all the three special women in my life, whom I loved, but failed, to get the same in return from, please be happy in life. I apologize again for all my mistakes. Hope this story reaches to all of you, someday.
So, here I end, my story, the story of a loser. May be, I will be a winner someday. May be, I will get a good girl as my life partner. You can never predict as the future is still to be seen.
So, here am I, after a lot of thoughtful tussle, writing down my own love story, a story that might never be even worth reading.
2008:
I still remember the day. It was 6th August, 2008. My first day of Engineering. I had got selected for pursuing Bachelor of Technology degree in Information Technology,from a mediocre college in West Bengal, which turned out to be the worst college of all, when I left it.
It is there that I saw her for the first time, a flawless beauty. At least that's what I had felt at that time. She had me completely fall for her, at the first glance itself. I never knew, this infatuation of mine,
would ruin my life completely.
Although, I had fallen for her, from the first day at college itself, I was hesitant to gather up the courage to even speak to her. Besides, she was as per as what I could see, the queen of hearts of many. A large number of seniors were even head over heels for her, and that further brought down my confidence to approach her.
Ultimately, one day I mustered up the courage to speak to her. She promptly replied me back, and we became friends. Although we became friends, the feelings deep inside me was completely one sided and never mutual. I was indeed stupid to think that the feelings was mutual. One day during an exam, she hugged me accidentally. That moment, I thought was the best moment of my life. I thought that she also loved me, but alas!, I was wrong.
All my misconception was proved wrong the day, I proposed her on Facebook. She instantly said "No".
All my virtual dreams were shattered by the strong forces of reality. It took me about a couple of months to overcome my feelings for her. Seeing someone, whom you like, ignoring you, in front of your eyes, wasn't easy. But, I decided to cope up with the situation silently. Ultimately, I overcame my feelings.
I still used to see her everyday, as we were from the same class, but her appearance was no more so much mesmerizing and she no more mattered anything to me. We were still friends, talking with each other, but, I kept my distances.
All these happened in my first year of graduation. I had then decided to never fall in love again, till the second year of my graduation arrived, and history repeated itself.
2009:
It was my second year of graduation. After the final year exam, my dad planned for a family trip to Thailand. I was really happy and excited about the trip. Travelling to foreign at a such small age isn't something everyone gets to cherish.
Little had I known, that history is again going to repeat itself, this time in Foreign.
I had known this from the beginning, that one of my dad's office colleague is also coming for the trip. I also knew that he had two daughters. But I didn't know that his younger daughter looked like a wingless angel, and had a physique, that every man might desire or to be vulgarly correct, lust for.
I still remember the date and venue correctly. It was the Chennai International Airport and the date was 16th June, 2009. We were the first to reach the airport. We were waiting for our tour guide to contact us, when suddenly I saw her for the first time. She came alongside her family. Her father forwarded his hand for shaking, followed by her. That touch was electrifying. It tickled my entire body, even deep down inside.
Slowly, we started talking. She seemed from her talks, a very outrageous and open minded girl. And history repeated itself again. I instantly fell for her. Both my heart as well as a part somewhere lower down were equally under her magical spell. She had me under her spell, completely.
Everyday, almost everyday during the 17 days trip, I used to newly fall for her. Her smile, her lips, her body, her odour, everything had a magical effect on me and the effect seemed to become more and more strong, day by day.
However, I was stupid enough not to even ask for her phone number or email ID, during the entire trip. On the day of departure, all I could say to her was "Bye". She wished me back, and that was the last time I saw her pretty smile.
On reaching home, I became too sad and depressed. Inside me was present a hollow soul, that couldn't breathe. I forgot to smile, I forgot to enjoy life. I continuously started searching for her on Facebook, Orkut and many other social media sites. I even approached my friends who stayed at that place, just to get a glimpse of her. I started misbehaving with my parents.
My search for her became limitless. I was ready to subdue all boundaries to reach out to her. It was she and always she, prevalent in my mind.
One month passed away. Every moment was too painful for me. I couldn't get over her, in spite of so many advices. Life seemed to be too much full of problems. Although, later I realized that those problems were actually not even worth thinking of.
Ultimately, after 40 days, she replied over her Orkut account, to a scrap, I had posted long back. That day, was the best day of my life. Imaginary fire works filled the entire Kolkata skies.
Then, slowly from Orkut, we moved to personal messaging. I liked talking to her. All her hobbies, likings, dislikes seemed to have an effect on me. She engaged me in a state of complete hangover.
However, I would like to clarify that the feelings I had for her, was entirely one sided. She didn't even thought about me so much, which I realized too late. I always wanted to talk with her that way, but she never encouraged me. lowly, our talks over the phone slowed down, and she never met me, even when I requested her so many times.
Then came the day, my birthday,16th September, 2010. I was waiting for her wish, the whole day. At about 11 AM in the morning, she wished me. I was angry on her for not replying to my previous messages and I shouted on her. She instantly cut the message chain, wishing good bye.I thought we would talk again and that she would reply me, but she unfortunately never did. I couldn't even see her for once.
I slowly became more and more impatient. I moved into depression. Firstly, the placements in my college was worst and secondly, my love life, was completely ruined. I couldn't forget her. I messaged her many times, waiting for a reply. But, I never got it.
One year passed by in this way. I was still in her hangover, and I had forgotten how to live life. I had moved into depression, and restrained myself from social occasions.
Then, followed a year of unemployment. I passed out from my college, but without any job. All my tries for a job, were wasted in vain. Not even a single company gave me a call. I was worried about my future. But, she was still prevalent in my mind. Although the feelings had much faded in the course of time, but still, a part of it was present there. Finally, after wasting a year looking for jobs, I decided to pursue MBA. I gave MAT exam and scored very good marks. I got selected for pursuing MBA in Marketing, from ITM Business School, Kharghar, a small place in Navi Mumbai.
That time was a sad time in my life. Leaving your parents and home town, for pursuing further education, was something, I wasn't ready for. I had never gone out form my home, leaving my parents. But now, I had to leave them behind.
The day of my departure from Kolkata, was indeed painful. My mom was crying, and so was I. Touching her feet, I bid her good bye. I still remember her crying face. That day, I had realized the true pain behind her eyes, and all the sacrifices, she had given to bring me up. It makes me cry even today, when I remember the events of that day.
With a heavily depressed heart and with a promise to come back again, I bid good bye to my home town. I was looking forward to enjoy my new life in the form of a memorable experience. but as they say, history can repeat itself at any place, any time. I never knew, that the worst, was still to come.
2013:
I arrived Mumbai at sometime during June, 2013. The Mumbai rains were more than happy to welcome me. Being completely wet and drenched in rains, I arrived at Mumbai, with three luggages and my Dad, besides me.
After he left for Kolkata, life was really not enjoyable. Hostel life, bad quality of food, new life, new friends, staying away from home was too painful. I spent many sleepless nights, crying for my parents, wanting to go back.
But, as they say, in the end everything becomes right. I slowly learnt to adjust to this new environment, to celebrate without family and to live or survive without them.In this way, two month passed away, until the day arrived, when I saw her, for the first time. This time, there was no love at first sight for me. She looked far blow average, with curly hair and a very unorganized attire. She looked pretty much shabby to me at the first time. however, three things to be noted carefully were her innocent eyes, which I felt to kiss, at the first time only, and her sweet and innocent voice and her chubby cheeks, which I wanted to pull, at the first time itself. I don't know whether I fell for her or not, but it didn't matter to me that much, at that point of time.
Slowly, through one of our common friends, we became friends. From just friends at initial stages, we became close friends slowly. I used to share every inner thing of mine, with her. I felt like she understood me, the best after my mom.
Then, one day while chatting on Whatsapp, I asked her about her past relations. to which she replied that she had a relation with a guy, her tuition mate during her school days, which lasted for 5 years. She remembered the exact time and date of the break up, which was on her Birthday, about two years ago. She said that she loved him very much and in spite of their break up, two years go, she still cries for her.
Although, deeply hurt from inside, I still wished that someday they would be together again. Meanwhile, our mutual friend, who was one of her's best friend in college, also had fallen for her. She on the other hand, looked up on him just as a friend and not else wise. In the midst of all these relationship misunderstandings, I decided to move away from her and let my feelings fade away, slowly with time.
Although, we remained friends, I started maintaining my distances. I even ignored her at many occasions, when she used to call out my name.
Then, one year passed away slowly, and we became seniors. On the love prospect, there was no progress from any side, and we just remained friends.I used to flirt with her over the phone or on Whatsapp sometimes, unable to stop myself, People used to make fun of me, by taking her name. However, the relation was limited to just friends.
I still remember the day. It was 25th December, 2014. It was her birthday. I met her on her birthday. After 15 minutes of nonsense talks, which I loved doing with her, I gave her a tight hug. I tried to stop my self, but was unable to. She said nothing and smiled. That smile had made my night.
After that, from friends, we became close friends. I used to fight with her, but then kneel down for forgiveness. She was happy and so, I was also happy. Slowly, campussing started in our college, and I was amongst the first ones to get placed.
I threw a grand placement party, to which, of course she was invited. That day, she left from the party without informing me. I became angry upon her. She called me at night to say sorry. We were fighting over the phone, when she suddenly said that she feels good staying around me and that she kind of likes me.She said that she is always comfortable, when I am around her. And hence, began our relationship.
Everyday, we used to talk throughout the day as well as at nights. In spite of having exams, we used to talk everyday, till 5 AM in the morning. I was too happy. That moment might have been the best moment of my life. At least, that's what I felt, at that time.
Then our exams ended, and we became pass outs. I was really sad that our college had ended and that we will no longer be students. On love front however, I was so happy. She had said that she would talk to her parents regarding me. On being asked, that what if her parents deny me, I used to say "Honge jo Dilwale, Dulhania to Wahi le Jaenge". She used to laugh at it, followed by me. She never said me that she loved me, but we both were quite in.
Then, one day, her ex - boyfriend suddenly, called her up again. She tried to ignore him, but due to old feelings coming back, she couldn't. When, I came to know about it, I told her to make a choice, to which she broke up with me, saying that she has still not got over him. She said that she felt good talking to me, but she still loves him. She needed a mental support after not being able to get out from her break up, and that's why she felt good talking to me. She said that when required to select out of me and her ex, she would select her ex.
This word, sealed my voice. She cut the call and thus, I was shattered into pieces from inside. I felt I deserved to know that why then she entertained me in the first place, but all I got to listen to was "I am sorry".
Although, we kept contact with each other, neither me not her, was happy. Slowly, my inner child ego came to fore front and I started threatening her for dire consequences. Every time, I told her to meet me, she denied and that forced me to threaten her more. I was spell bound under my ego, to grab her, being forcefully, if required. Every of friend advised me to get rid of her. They said that she had used me. But, I was unable to cope up with the situation, and accept the reality.
Slowly, as time passed away, the little friendship we shared, changed in to bitterness and she started disliking and hating me. She even refused to talk to me, saying that she would block me, if this continued. I, on the other hand, was stupid enough, to never even think of my parents and my self respect.
But, better late than never, I slowly realized how I had been foolish. I realized all my sinful mistakes. I apologized before her and finally, I bid her goodbye from my heart. It was a tough time for me, My corporate life had just started and I was not being able to cope up.
Many ups and downs then came in life, which I wouldn't like to mention. However, in the end, I got over her. I lost my good friend, in this cycle, who supported her and prioritized her over me. He broke his friendship with me, may be to keep her happy, as he also liked her. I accepted all of these, as a part of life and decided to move on.
Thus my love stories, mostly one sided, and always bout wrong choices, ends here. I would thank all my friends, who have guided me and helped to become a better person, that I am today.
To all the three special women in my life, whom I loved, but failed, to get the same in return from, please be happy in life. I apologize again for all my mistakes. Hope this story reaches to all of you, someday.
So, here I end, my story, the story of a loser. May be, I will be a winner someday. May be, I will get a good girl as my life partner. You can never predict as the future is still to be seen.
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